Girl, Define Yourself

This is it, I thought as I reached for the book. Girl Defined. This is what I've been looking for. I was a young teenager, I had low self-esteem, and I was longing for a sense of purpose. Maybe this book would show me what my purpose was as a girl. Maybe it would help me fix my messed-up life.

Or maybe not.

Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal's bad theology and rigid gender roles came packaged in a pretty, pink floral design. Like many teenage girls, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I was so happy to finally feel like my life had a purpose—even if that purpose was to bear children and become a housewife.

I'd never really felt special before, but reading GirlDefined books and articles made me feel like I was unique and different from the other girls my age. I wanted to rebel, so I rebelled against society's expectations of me. Instead of focusing on my education, I focused on homemaking skills. Rather than wearing shorts and tank tops, I wore long skirts and plain t-shirts. I thought I was being a Godly woman. But in reality, I'd bought into worldly ideas of modesty and femininity. GirlDefined was like a spiritual "gateway drug" that led me down the path of Christian fundamentalism. Ultimately, it took me years to break free from my "addiction" to legalism and fundamentalism.

Now that I'm on the other side, I feel like I can see GirlDefined's "ministry" much more clearly. My main problem with GirlDefined is that they're notoriously anti-feminist. (Seriously, they have entire articles explaining why they're not feminists.) In her article "Why Being an Independent Woman Isn't Always Good," Kristen blames her "independent spirit" for conflict that she's had with her husband. She seems to believe that she should submit to her husband's will, rather than both of them collaborating as equals. Instead of embracing all the personalities that God has created, GirlDefined makes it clear that only passive, obedient women can be godly in their eyes.

GirlDefined champions the role of wife & mother, which is fine in and of itself, but they take it a bit too far in my opinion. They seem to think that all mothers should stay at home full time (despite the fact that nothing in the Bible says so). By pushing the "mother and housewife" agenda, they encourage women to be defined by their husbands and children. Women don't need a husband or children to complete us—something that GirlDefined tries, and fails, to address. Yes, they claim to see singleness as a blessing—but their fixation on sex, dating, and marriage tells a different story.

Another problem with GirlDefined is the way that they infantilize women. Instead of talking about deep theological issues, Kristen and Bethany focus on surface-level issues like fashion, dating, and social media. Yes, these issues are important to an extent, but they can also be overdone. I feel like there's more to being a girl than wearing makeup and pretty clothes. And deep down, regardless of gender or anything else, we all struggle with the same thing: sin.

In my opinion, GirlDefined is the spiritual equivalent of rat poison. Yes, they're mostly good—but even a small amount of toxic theology is dangerous to your soul.

"Discernment is not knowing the difference between right and wrong. It is knowing the difference between right and almost right.” — Charles Spurgeon