What NOT to Say to a Gifted Kid

#1: "You should be making all A's."

Yes, some gifted children are capable of making straight A's—especially if they're gifted in math, science, or English. However, not all gifts are academic. Plus, gifted kids can also have learning and attention issues. These kids are called "twice-exceptional."

#2: "You don't need help. Just figure it out on your own."

Shaming gifted kids when they ask for help is not productive. It teaches them that asking for help is a sign of weakness. It also teaches them that if they need help, they must not be smart or capable. Both of these lessons can be harmful and are difficult to unlearn. Even as an adult, I have trouble asking for help because I was taught to be independent and pick myself up by my own boot straps. 

#3: "You're overreacting."

Gifted kids may respond to things in unexpected ways. That's because they often notice things that others don't. As a result, it's easy for people to assume that they're just looking for something to criticize/be upset about. But gifted kids' responses are not an overreaction. Gifted kids are just expressing their reality. Growing up, I was often accused of lying or exaggerating because my version of events would be so different from others'. But as I've gotten older, I've learned that it's okay to see things differently. 

#4: "You're so smart!"

Giftedness is about more than IQ, and not all gifted kids are conventionally smart. And besides, it's important to praise effort, not just performance. Kids who focus on trying to look smart are less likely to take on challenges where there's a chance of failure. But kids who are praised for their effort are more willing to try new things and persist even when things are difficult.