Enough with the Gifted Kid Stereotypes
Today I read a blog post titled "How to Win an Argument with Your Gifted Child." In the article, the author told a story about her most recent argument with her gifted 10-year-old son. He wanted to ride his bike to the local Dairy Queen, but she thought it was too far for him to go by himself. I certainly understood why she was frustrated, but it's common for tweens and teens to argue with their parents. Arguing is a perfectly normal childhood behavior, at least for most kids. Kids want to be independent and take risks; parents want to protect their children. This battle for independence is the root of most parent/child conflict, regardless of the child's IQ score.
However, the author took her article in a different direction. Instead of accepting that her issues are fairly universal, she blamed her struggles on...wait for it...her son's giftedness. Yeah, that's right. Apparently gifted children are "master manipulators" (her words, not mine). She went on to describe how gifted children "will bend meanings to suit their argument." As someone who's interacted with a wide variety of children over the years, this sounds like typical child behavior to me. Children naturally push boundaries and bend the rules. I'll admit, some children do this more than others, but it has more to do with personality than with giftedness.
I want to clarify that I don't hold anything against this mother (or others who share her feelings on the issue of giftedness). I'm sad, not mad. I'm sad that normal child behavior is seen as manipulative. I'm sad that gifted kids are misunderstood and stereotyped even by their own parents.
I know a teenage musician who is gifted with perfect pitch. She is anything but the stereotypical gifted kid. Even from a young age, she was sweet, cooperative, and compliant, especially with authority figures. That's not to say she never had problems—she often struggled to fit in with her peers and was very sensitive to their criticism. Yes, she is intense. Yes, she is asynchronous. But I could never call her manipulative or defiant or argumentative. That's just not who she is.
On the other hand, I know people who believe that all gifted children are mature and compliant (when that is clearly not the case). I've had people doubt my intelligence, because I should be "too smart" to [fill in the blank here]. I am creatively gifted. I am a self-taught baker who can decorate cakes like a professional. I've always done well in school subjects that let me express myself creatively. I am also an Orange personality with ADHD. I'm impulsive, challenging, restless, and yes, sometimes I'm argumentative. I am begging you to see me for my whole self, not just my giftedness.
Giftedness is a part of me, but it doesn't tell the entire story. The gifted label is useful, but it doesn't explain all of a person's behavior. And it's not supposed to. But we live in a society that's biased against giftedness, plain and simple. Gifted-kid stereotypes run rampant because people are envious and intimidated. We fear that gifted kids are too big for their britches, too smart for their own good. So we decide to take them down a notch. We, as a society, have little tolerance for non-conformity—and believe me, it shows. All I'm saying is, maybe we should focus on making a place for gifted kids, rather than putting them in their place. Winning arguments will never be as important as loving people. You don't have to be gifted to know that.
However, the author took her article in a different direction. Instead of accepting that her issues are fairly universal, she blamed her struggles on...wait for it...her son's giftedness. Yeah, that's right. Apparently gifted children are "master manipulators" (her words, not mine). She went on to describe how gifted children "will bend meanings to suit their argument." As someone who's interacted with a wide variety of children over the years, this sounds like typical child behavior to me. Children naturally push boundaries and bend the rules. I'll admit, some children do this more than others, but it has more to do with personality than with giftedness.
I want to clarify that I don't hold anything against this mother (or others who share her feelings on the issue of giftedness). I'm sad, not mad. I'm sad that normal child behavior is seen as manipulative. I'm sad that gifted kids are misunderstood and stereotyped even by their own parents.
I know a teenage musician who is gifted with perfect pitch. She is anything but the stereotypical gifted kid. Even from a young age, she was sweet, cooperative, and compliant, especially with authority figures. That's not to say she never had problems—she often struggled to fit in with her peers and was very sensitive to their criticism. Yes, she is intense. Yes, she is asynchronous. But I could never call her manipulative or defiant or argumentative. That's just not who she is.
On the other hand, I know people who believe that all gifted children are mature and compliant (when that is clearly not the case). I've had people doubt my intelligence, because I should be "too smart" to [fill in the blank here]. I am creatively gifted. I am a self-taught baker who can decorate cakes like a professional. I've always done well in school subjects that let me express myself creatively. I am also an Orange personality with ADHD. I'm impulsive, challenging, restless, and yes, sometimes I'm argumentative. I am begging you to see me for my whole self, not just my giftedness.
Giftedness is a part of me, but it doesn't tell the entire story. The gifted label is useful, but it doesn't explain all of a person's behavior. And it's not supposed to. But we live in a society that's biased against giftedness, plain and simple. Gifted-kid stereotypes run rampant because people are envious and intimidated. We fear that gifted kids are too big for their britches, too smart for their own good. So we decide to take them down a notch. We, as a society, have little tolerance for non-conformity—and believe me, it shows. All I'm saying is, maybe we should focus on making a place for gifted kids, rather than putting them in their place. Winning arguments will never be as important as loving people. You don't have to be gifted to know that.
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