Don't Feed the Fire: How to Stop Drama in its Tracks

On Christmas, I visited some family and friends who live in another state. I don't get to see them very often, so I enjoyed getting to visit with them. Overall, I had a pretty good holiday, but I was saddened by the poor behavior of one of our family friends. He's only a few years older than I am, so I was expecting us to get along quite well. But unfortunately, that was not the case. He made many derogatory, sexist comments about me and suggested that there is something "wrong" with me because I don't have a boyfriend. Then he proceeded to make racist remarks about my ex-boyfriend and make fun of me for having dated someone outside my race.

I was shocked by his behavior, but I knew that he was only saying those things to stir up drama. This young man had a rough upbringing, and for most of his childhood, he knew nothing but drama. Of course, this doesn't excuse his behavior, but it helped me to understand why he would treat me in such a way when I'd done nothing to him.

But to be honest, it's hard for me to not get sucked into drama. There were many times in my life when I would have fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. I've learned the hard way that there are consequences for giving into drama. When a fish sees a piece of bait floating in the water, he may think he's getting a good deal. However, he's getting more than a free lunch. As soon as he takes the bait, that fish has lost control of his life. He's now at the mercy of the fisherman. And you know what? The same thing is true for us. When we get sucked into other people's drama, we give control of our lives over to them, rather than to God.

But the question is, how do we keep drama out of our lives? Well, the Bible actually gives us a pretty simple answer. We can stop drama in its tracks by simply refusing to engage in it.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels" (2 Timothy 2:22-23).

When it comes to drama, the most important thing is to not get emotionally involved. Drama is like a fire that feeds on people's emotional energy. It can't spread without fuel...so don't fuel it! In theory, that sounds easy enough. But if you're like me, you may be wondering, what does that look like in practice? So I came up with three strategies for disengaging from drama:

1. Call out the behavior. People may not even be aware that they are creating drama, so it can be helpful to bring it to their attention. However, if we are too harsh in calling them out, we will end up creating even more drama. According to 2 Timothy 2:24-25, a servant of God must be "kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, and correcting his opponents with gentleness." Yes, it's good to correct inappropriate behavior when we see it, but it's important to do so calmly and politely. For example, if someone is using crude or derogatory language, you could say, "Please stop using that sort of language around me. It's rude and hurtful."

2. Change the subject. If you don't want to directly confront the other person, changing the subject might be a good idea. For example, if someone is gossiping about your friend, you could say, "I don't think this is any of my business, and I'm not comfortable talking about it. Could we talk about something else?"

3. Walk away. If strategies #1 and #2 don't work, it may be best to physically remove yourself from the situation. With repeat offenders, you may also want to consider seeing the person less often or, in extreme cases, removing the person from your life altogether. Yes, it sounds mean, but sometimes ending a relationship is the best thing for everyone involved. Tolerating drama kings/queens won't teach them to behave better. In fact, it will do the exact opposite.

If we follow Christ, we should have a counter-cultural attitude when it comes to social drama. We may get left out (or even criticized) for our refusal to participate in gossip and slander. But as Christians, we are called to share God's light with the world. We should not be afraid to stand out, especially when God has called us to do so.

"Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world" (Philippians 2:14-15).