The Road Less Traveled

Today I read a blog post titled "How to Win an Argument with Your Gifted Child." In the article, the author told a story about her most recent argument with her gifted 10-year-old son. He wanted to ride his bike to the local Dairy Queen, but she thought it was too far for him to go by himself. I certainly understood why she was frustrated, but it's common for tweens and teens to argue with their parents. Arguing is a perfectly normal childhood behavior, at least for most kids. Kids want to be independent and take risks; parents want to protect their children. This battle for independence is the root of most parent/child conflict, regardless of the child's IQ score. However, the author took her article in a different direction. Instead of accepting that her issues are fairly universal, she blamed her struggles on...wait for it...her son's giftedness. Yeah, that's right. Apparently gifted children are "master manipulators" (her words, not mine). She ...

Anxiety. Depression. OCD. Mental health diagnoses have skyrocketed over the past few decades, especially in children and young adults. Kids who can't cope with reality are becoming the norm rather than the exception. Most parents passively accept that their children were "born anxious" and there's nothing they can do about it. But is this really true? In the 1990s, doctors began telling parents not to give peanuts to young children, out of fear that the children would have allergic reactions. At the time, doctors and parents assumed that avoiding peanuts would make children healthier and less prone to allergies. However, the opposite was true. When children were not exposed to peanuts early in life, they were MORE likely to develop a peanut allergy. It turns out that our immune systems are wired to fight off danger. When we don't get enough exposure to potential "threats" early in life, our immune systems start seeing danger where there isn't...

A bright student... • Follows directions; copies and memorizes well • Prefers logical, step-by-step explanations • Is mature for his/her age • Performs at the top of the group • Does very well in a traditional classroom environment • Usually fits in well with peers • Tends to be satisfied with his/her performance A gifted learner... • Is independent and self-directed; creates new ideas and techniques • Understands things intuitively; often makes mental “leaps” • Is asynchronous; can be highly sensitive and intense • Is beyond the group • May struggle in a traditional classroom environment • May have trouble fitting in with peers • Can be highly self-critical The main difference between bright and gifted children is that gifted children are  more . More intuitive, more sensitive, more intense, more out-of-sync. In this case, "more" does not always mean "better." Gifted learners often struggle to find acceptance within their schools, their communities, ...

What do you think of when you hear the word "smart"? A little kid who reads thick novels while her classmates are working on their ABC's? A high school student who never studies, yet somehow makes 100's on every math test? A scientist/professor/computer programmer with two Ph.D's hanging on the wall? Out of all the personality styles , Greens most closely fit the stereotype of "smart people." Greens tend to have lots of strategic smarts, also known as analytical skills. They're good at solving problems and evaluating things logically. Greens pride themselves on their efficiency, knowledge, and innovation. These skills are often measured on IQ tests, giving Greens an advantage. But are Greens really smarter than the rest of us? Not necessarily. The truth is that there are many different ways to be smart. While "book smarts" are important, they don't show the whole picture. For example, Gold personalities tend to have strong org...

#1: "You should be making all A's." Yes, some gifted children are capable of making straight A's—especially if they're gifted in math, science, or English. However, not all gifts are academic. Plus, gifted kids can also have learning and attention issues. These kids are called "twice-exceptional." #2: "You don't need help. Just figure it out on your own." Shaming gifted kids when they ask for help is not productive. It teaches them that asking for help is a sign of weakness. It also teaches them that if they need help, they must not be smart or capable. Both of these lessons can be harmful and are difficult to unlearn. Even as an adult, I have trouble asking for help because I was taught to be independent and pick myself up by my own boot straps.  #3: "You're overreacting." Gifted kids may respond to things in unexpected ways. That's because they often notice things that others don't. As a result, it...

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." —1 Peter 3:3-4 This Bible verse is often used to silence women and shame them for being assertive or outspoken. However, in context, having a quiet and gentle spirit isn't just for women—and it doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.  In a Biblical sense, "quiet" does not mean timid. It means you have a sense of confidence that comes from within. It doesn't mean that you can't set boundaries or stand up for what's right. You don't literally have to be silent or passive. It means that you use your words and actions in a way that glorifies God rather than glorifying yourself. The idea of "quietness" is contrasted with focusing on one's outward appearance. Be...

This is it, I thought as I reached for the book. Girl Defined. This is what I've been looking for. I was a young teenager, I had low self-esteem, and I was longing for a sense of purpose. Maybe this book would show me what my purpose was as a girl. Maybe it would help me fix my messed-up life. Or maybe not. Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal's bad theology and rigid gender roles came packaged in a pretty, pink floral design. Like many teenage girls, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I was so happy to finally feel like my life had a purpose—even if that purpose was to bear children and become a housewife. I'd never really felt special before, but reading GirlDefined books and articles made me feel like I was unique and different from the other girls my age. I wanted to rebel, so I rebelled against society's expectations of me. Instead of focusing on my education, I focused on homemaking skills. Rather than wearing shorts and tank tops, I wore long skirts and pl...

Giftedness and intensity are two sides of the same coin. Gifted people's intensity is what leads to asynchrony, or uneven development. We're ahead of our years in some ways, yet certain skills are lagging behind. Gifted people tend to be exceptionally passionate and have strong interests. As a result, we can have trouble fitting in with others who just don't "get it." Kazimierz Dabrowski, a psychologist, originally came up with the idea of "gifted over-excitabilities." While I agree with his ideas, I don't like to call them over-excitabilities because that suggests that there's something wrong or "too much" with gifted people. Instead, I prefer the term "intensities," which I feel is more accurate.  Types of Intensities:  • People with physical intensity tend to be active and high-energy. They like to be involved in many things. They can come across as restless or impatient. They're often sensitive to light, sound, t...

As humans, we naturally want to label things (and people). We’re wired to notice patterns and lump together similar people, objects, ideas, etc. And you know what? Despite what our politically correct culture would tell you, labeling isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Of course nobody is defined by any one label. Of course we shouldn’t reduce people to stereotypes. But... Labels still matter. Labels, when they’re accurate, can be quite useful. If you’re short, I know you might need help reaching things on high shelves. If you’re left-handed, I know not to give you the right-handed scissors. If you have a learning disability, I know to be extra patient with you in certain areas. And if you’re gifted or twice-exceptional, I know that your mind works similarly to mine. Labeling isn’t necessarily a better-than/worse-than statement. It just is what it is. When I point out that one can of soup is tomato and the other is chicken noodle, I’m not saying that tomato soup is better. I’m just...

Myth #1: Everyone is gifted.  Fact: While everyone has unique talents and traits, not everyone is considered “gifted.” Gifted people think about and process things differently than others do. Giftedness is a real, observable trait—just like height and hair color. Is everyone tall? Does everyone have red hair? Obviously not. And not everyone is gifted. Myth #2: Gifted people are rare or unusual.  Fact: About 10 percent of the population is considered gifted. And many more people may be at least somewhat gifted without receiving the label. Like many things, giftedness is on a spectrum. Myth #3: Gifted students always do well in school and don’t need any special help.  Fact: Gifted people tend to have unique challenges in school. They often need special support. Some gifted people do very well in school, especially if they have supportive parents, friends, and teachers. However, without proper support, gifted children are at risk of acting out, dropping out, or m...

When people hear the word "gifted," they tend to make a lot of assumptions. They assume that gifted children are mature, high achievers, and talented in every subject. Also, there's an underlying belief that gifted children have it easy and will do just fine on their own. However, those assumptions are false. There are many ways to be gifted, and all gifted children (and adults) are different. Academically gifted children most closely match the stereotype of the gifted child. They excel in language, history, science, and/or math. Children who are gifted in the visual/performing arts tend to have good coordination and/or creative expression. They excel in areas such as painting, dancing, playing an instrument, or playing a sport. Socially/emotionally gifted children are good at reading people's emotions, and they have good insight. They tend to excel at leading and influencing others. However, giftedness is more than just talent, and not all gifted students are hig...

Recently I read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I've been wanting to read it for a while, so I'm glad that I finally got the chance. I enjoyed reading it because I feel that it's relevant to me. I always enjoy reading books that I can apply to my own life, especially when it comes to my relationships. In his book, Chapman outlines the 5 "love languages," or ways of showing love: • Words of Affirmation • Physical Touch • Giving Gifts • Quality Time • Acts of Service Chapman proposes that we have 1 or 2 dominant love languages. For example, one person might need lots of physical touch while another values acts of service. While that's probably true, I think that a healthy relationship involves all 5 love languages. We need all of the love languages, even those that don't come as naturally to us. While I was reading the book, I thought about my own relationships. I noticed that the "well-rounded" relationships (where we were...

Note: This was not written to judge, shame, or condemn anyone. I believe that whether or not you wear makeup or high heels is ultimately between you and God. I know many kind, Godly women who wear makeup/heels, and I respect their right to make that choice. Issues of personal preference should not divide us as Christians. Ultimately, it's not what we wear that matters—it's what's in our hearts. That being said, I want to share my perspective on this issue because I feel like it's relevant to my life.  Reason #1: Makeup and high heels are expensive. • Makeup and heels come with a high price, both money-wise and body-wise. As Christians, we're called to be good stewards of our resources, including money. I feel that it's irresponsible to waste money on makeup and fancy shoes when it could be spent on more worthy causes. Also, we're called to treat our bodies as temples of God. I don't think that clogging my pores with makeup and exposing myself to all...

Earlier this week, I made some cookies for my dad to bring to his office. A few weeks ago, I brought some chocolate chip cookies to his office—and ever since, his co-workers have been asking for more. I was happy to make more cookies, but this time I wanted to try something different. I know that lots of people have gluten intolerance and/or lactose intolerance, so I wanted to make something they could enjoy too. I wanted something that had simple, not-too-expensive ingredients and was easy to make. Not only do these cookies taste great, they only have 4 ingredients and they don't contain any artificial colors. Ingredients: 1 cup Jif creamy peanut butter 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1/2 cup light brown sugar, packed 1 large egg Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. 3. Using a mixer, combine all ingredients on low speed. (Or mix by hand.) 4. Scoop dough onto parchment paper using a 1.5 tablespoon cookie ...

I get it. It's tempting to stay out of politics and give both the Democrat Party and the Republican Party the well-deserved middle finger. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you cannot escape politics. Your very existence is political. Your boss cares about politics. Your landlord cares about politics. Your insurance company cares about politics. The Congress members who are legislating away your rights care about politics. And guess what? They're all perfectly willing to take advantage of your apathy and ignorance.  Also, newsflash—the world does not revolve around you. So even if a particular issue doesn't affect you, you should still care about your fellow humans. It's not about Democrats versus Republicans. It's about common sense and basic morality. You wonder why I take these things so personally. Why I can't take a joke, why certain issues are not up for debate. The reason is that you and I have completely different views on the nature of politic...

Today I read a news article about a mother who posted a video of her child on social media. Her 9-year-old son, who has been bullied for having health problems, was saying that he wanted to kill himself. So the mother decided not only to film her child during this vulnerable moment, but to post the video on Facebook. And the worst part is that people are actually applauding her for doing so. The mother claimed that she was trying to make people aware of the harmful effects of bullying, but that doesn't exactly add up. First of all, bullies tend to be perfectly aware of how their behavior affects others. They usually have above-average social intelligence, which they use to hurt and manipulate others. Their goal is to shame and humiliate others. Bullying is an issue of willful cruelty, not ignorance. Second of all, by posting the video on social media, this mother was participating in the bullying as well. Children are people, not political pawns to be sacrificed in the name...

"Why can't you just let it go?" That sentiment, in some form or another, has been echoed throughout my life. As a young girl, I learned that "good Christians" not only forgive but forget. However, that mentality left me vulnerable to bullying, harassment, and abuse. As I got older, I began to resent having to forgive and forget. I tried to let go of the past, but no matter how hard I tried, the past wouldn't let go of me. Eventually, I learned that forgiveness is about more than just letting go. It's about holding on—to your faith, to your values, and to your well-being. Forgiveness is not the absence of the storm, but learning to dance in the rain. Also, forgiveness is not a re-writing of your story. It is a re-framing of your story. And yes, there is a difference. Re-writing means that you ignore or cover up what has happened to you. Re-framing means that you acknowledge what has happened to you, while also keeping the bigger picture in mind....

Yesterday I went to a large family gathering, so I tried out a new apple dump cake recipe for dessert. I've seen a few recipes like this one before, but I wanted to make a cake without eggs or dairy because so many people are allergic to those foods. The cake turned out great! It tasted like a sweeter version of apple pie. I had a few people taste-test it, and they were amazed when I told them it only had 3 ingredients and didn't contain eggs or dairy. Ingredients: • 1 can (21 oz.) Lucky Leaf premium apple pie filling • 1 box (15.25 oz.) Duncan Hines Perfectly Moist Classic Yellow cake mix • 1/2 cup Country Crock Original vegetable oil spread, melted Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. 2. Spread apple pie filling evenly over the bottom of a greased 9" x 13" baking pan. 3. Sprinkle cake mix evenly over pie filling. 4. Spread melted Country Crock evenly over cake mix. 5. Bake for 40 minutes or until golden brown. 6. Remo...

Competition is woven into the very fabric of our culture. It's as American as pickup trucks, John Wayne movies, and apple pie. Or so people say. My friends and I usually roll our eyes at whatever "latest and greatest" thing our culture rolls out. Personally, I don't participate in—or view—competitive events. I don't watch Cutthroat Kitchen or Toddlers & Tiaras. And I don't care who got an Oscar nomination or who won the Super Bowl. Why? Because those things aren't important to me. And they shouldn't matter to you—or to anyone else, either. Just so you know, I'm not saying this out of bitterness or resentment. I'm saying it from experience. As a child, I won my fair share of medals and trophies. By high school, I was obsessed with "being the best." My schedule was full of Honors classes and varsity sports. And you know what? All that pressure was just too much. But really, I'm not against competition because it puts too ...

#1: I’m pro-choice because I understand biological reality. If a fertilized egg is a person, then every woman with a functioning reproductive system is a murderer. About 2/3 of embryos fail to implant, and of those that do implant, 25% are miscarried by the end of the first trimester. An embryo is not guaranteed to become a person, and sometimes it becomes two or more people (identical twins/triplets). Also, in the case of a molar pregnancy, the embryo has not developed into a person, but into a potentially life-threatening tumor. A fetus has no brain activity until the 24th week of pregnancy. Without consciousness, a body is not a person. (That’s why it’s legal to withdraw life support from those that are brain-dead.) Also, until the 24th week of pregnancy, the fetus is fully dependent on the mother and has no chance of survival outside her body. The fetus and the mother cannot be equal; no matter which side you’re on, the rights of one must outweigh the rights of the other. Eit...